- - 20 - -
The really unbelievable thing is that I didn't see this coming. Didn't want to. How could I have convinced myself this was gonna turn out any other way... And I rode like the wind to get here.
"You guys wanna get stoned?"
And wham - do I want to get stoned! Oh, fuck, yeah. It's just what I want, right now. Shon stares at me, blinks a couple times... and tenses up. Groaning.
A familiar plastic bag floats to his hand. Weed, rolling papers. When he sees it, he nods - and smiles.
I watch him dig in the bag, and my mouth is watering. A big, fat hooter. When he's rolling it up, I lunge for the goods. Roll myself one just as big.
Uh-oh. A little voice in my head, which I know. My cool observer, usually calling the shots. Pot and this tickler do not go together, Deck ol' buddy. My hands bring the joint up anyway, and I lick the edge eagerly. Oh boy oh boy. And did you notice, my brain says drily, that it's learned a few new tricks? Speaking out loud, as if it had a voice-box. Like you do. Now I wonder how it's doing that?
My lighter takes a few spins to fire up. Oh yeah. Definitely, yeah. Shon, too, very much into it...
It can talk, and hide its presence. Mess with your thoughts. And it's making you want this joint right now...
The buzz makes everything okay. We're going to get the shit tickled out of us, no doubt about it. But I'm getting stoned...
"Here." A bottle of beer is shoved into my hand. Shon empties his lungs and looks at the beer he's now holding. "You guys just calm down. I think it's time to fill you in."
"Shoot," Shon says agreeably.
Vex chuckles suggestively. "I have a surprise for you. Ciuna almost wrecked it, but I think we can come to an... understanding. Can't we? Rabbits? Given enough fingers... You've underestimated her - especially you, Deck. She's been a busy girl. And she's learned a lot. Bottom line, boys... is that she can destroy me. Get you guys off the hook. She hasn't quite figured that out yet, though. It'll take her a while. I'm a lot smarter than I used to be -"
"The fuck you say," I sneer.
"Now, D, why don't you just have yourself a reeeeeeeal long toke, now, and let me talk for a while." And I bring the joint up again, completely unable to resist it. "There. It would be one hell of a battle, but she could off me. And she knows it. She wants her Shon back again. Gonna fuck your brains out, ya dog... And get this, Deck. Listen good. Her biggest regret is that you got dragged along for the ride. So she pitched a deal. We'll see what happens, later. But that's after you see what I'm gonna do to you here." It laughs at the thought. "I don't want her to get... fully motivated. So I'll play along."
Shon makes a happy sound, swigging his beer.
"You get your lives back. After I'm through with you. Then I getcha for two fiery weeks, every year. Go make more movies, and keep working out. Prime specimens... for me to play with."
I feel my stomach churn.
- - 21 - -
"Oh, I can't wait to get at you," Vex sighs.
Shon and I manage to look at each other. He's so stoned...
"It's all set. I got just the place - after we leave here. You're gonna be entertained like you've never been entertained before. Originators. Buck-rabbit and Field-Hare - you recognize those names, don'tcha, boys? Gotta take good care of ol' One and Two. Keep 'em out of harm's way. No more running, no more work, no responsibilities or demands...
"That's what waiting. Where you're headed. Thanks to that drugged-out ditz, it won't be as long as I want. Unless, of course... you want the party to keep going." And, even as trashed as I am, that sets off an alarm bell in my head. A loophole. Keep alert for that one. Watch Shon, real carefully -
"We're going south. Sneak you away. Down to Rio, and then... on a barge. With a nice, tight strongbox. A day along the coast, and a couple more on the Amazon. Not much to see, but that's okay. You float further and further in... past the last of the villages, gliding by in the dead of night. The natives don't keep a watch any more. Why would they? Nobody comes there. Empty wilderness - even to them.
"A day after that, you can come out. There's a branch off the river, and a raft waiting. An excellent hiding place for the barge. Nothing to arouse any suspicion - fuck, what am I saying? There's no one there. The natives, they rarely pass that way. And never up the tributary. Too hard to navigate, a lot of hard work, and nothing to offer that they can't get easier, downstream..."
I take another determined toke.
"It'll take a few days to wind our way up that fork. Now you'll get to take in the scenery, while all the grunt work is done for you. Locked to the raft, nice and safe. Waiting. There's death in that gray water. Better to stay dry...
"And finally, the raft will slide up on the bank. Ninety miles from the nearest other humans. Maybe a hundred miles. Time for a fat ol' joint, boys. Do you know how fast it grows there? Big, juicy buds. Anyway, the path going up is too steep to walk, so you'll be carried. Litters with nice plush seats, thick iron rings for holding your cuffs securely. No danger of a couple of stoned rabbits falling off. Before you're locked down, your traveling clothes are peeled away. You each get a loincloth. Soft pouches, to protect your meat. Some moccasins that I'll lock on ya. That's the standard uniform. You're going native. Then you're set to ride up the hill."
"And we reach a point where no one could pass on foot. A huge gap. Erosion. A gully, very deep, and these insanely long thorns on the other side of the cut. Absolutely unpassable. So you'll float on up, and over...
"Picture a small clearing. Soft grass. And the sheer drop on all sides of this clearing is fuckin' impressive. Jagged rock. No climbing up or down. From fifty feet up, it'll be obvious why you had to be carried in. There's just no other way to get to the place... or to leave it. It's remarkable. I guarantee it redefines the word, 'isolated'. I spray it regularly to fend off all the insects, and snakes, and bats...
"Oh, this ain't good," I mutter.
"There's several buildings for ya, never before seen by a human - 'cause that honor belongs to Buck, here, first of the Originators. He'll look down on his jungle kingdom, with the Hare right behind. When you're side by side, your seats will turn. West. So far below, there's the river. And your raft. Starting to burn. It's cast free, floating away. Burning. Disappearing from sight. Your transportation, disappearing. No escape there."
"Of course not," Shon drawls. Glazed eyes. He's getting into the story. Maybe too much.
"Your seats will cruise down slowly. A quick tour. Here's the kitchen and infirmary, there's the leather shop. And your cell. A swift little stream, behind most of the buildings. Hydro power, guys. And windmills. A big patch of Humboldt gold. All kinds of support services, but they're out of your reach, off the plateau. A big ol' warehouse wi-"
"W-warehouse?" Shon drawls.
"Oh, yeah. All those barge-loads, hauled up there for you. Twenty bolts of cloth, mostly satin. Cases of rubber gloves, oils, creams, plenty of batteries for the toys. You know. Buffers, polishers, brushes by the dozen. Huge sacks full of feathers.
"Fourteen appliances you've never seen before, rabbits. Fourteen. Buck-feet, Buck-pecs, Buck-neck... Hare-ribs, Hare-knees, Hare-belly-button. Yeah, your secrets are out. Sturdy toys designed for the most sensitive spots on a couple of raving, howling savages. Finished and set to go. More food than you've ever seen in one place. Plenty of JD. Cases of Winstons, and Camels... Nothing has been overlooked, from rolling papers to munchies to beer. And when stores run low... why, here comes another fleet of rafts. More smokes for the guys, more booze, more silk gloves. Oh yeah. And away they go when they're empty, burning, drifting away. Supplies are no problem."
As if I wasn't scared enough, I had a real bad thought... What if it's lying, about Ciuna? No deal at all? How long would w-
"A guy wants to get laid," Shon says. "What about that?"
"You'll have each other."
We both freeze. Finally looking at the other guy's stricken face -
The voice laughs heartily.
What a unbelievably cruel fucktard -
"No," Shon says, so casually I get reminded what a good actor he really is. "That's not your kind of deal, Vex. Is it? That's beyond the pale, even for you."
The voice laughs at him.
"Very good, Buck. You got me there. Deck, buddy, you can start breathing again." There's a meaningful pause. "But if you should change your mind, well..."
"Unbelievable," I mumble.
"I know," it rolls on. "Instead of keeping you happy, I gotta convince you to stay. You're going to want pussy. But I have a plan. I'm going to bring you Rio's finest. Working girls, that is. Picked to match your hottest fantasy. Panting to get at you, guys. Just desperate to jump your fine American bones. And they'll want to stay until you give the word. They'll be happy to wait while you studs are busy whooping and roaring -"
"A question," I interrupt.
"Fire away," it says cheerily.
"The ethical considerations of kidnapping all these women mean nothing to you."
There's a long pause. "What are you talking about? That's not even a question -"
"Is there an upper limit on how many people you'll fuck with?"
"Of course not," Vex says, surprised. "I don't get you. Okay, once more for the stoners in the room. I'm going to tickle you. In the jungle. For a very long time. You want pussy. Okay... You're the Originators, so naturally I'm-"
"Never mind," I groan. "I got the picture."
"Well, good," it barks. Still puzzled, from the sound. "Before you bring up more idiotic objections, let me fill in the blanks. I can get the women to you, and make them forget all about you afterward. But a week-long trip, in each direction, is almost risky. Sneaking a bunch of supplies in is easy by comparison... So you're going to need air support. In case you come down with something I can't cure. See? I'm not letting anything ruin this.
"I've picked out a couple pilots. With nice quiet helicopters - the new ones are much better than what I originally expected. One of these guys, in particular, is promising... I'll just crank up my usual methods of persuasion." It chuckles. "Get him to make that first trip. Once he sees the place, and he's absolutely sure I'll keep him there if he tells a soul about me, or refuses to do what he's told - you two following all this?"
"Yeeeeah," Shon replies.
"One or both of these pilots are going to be on retainer. Tickle-retainer."
"Radio?" I blurt. "Satellite phone?"
"Well, duh," it laughs. "Hidden where you'll never find 'em. Not even on the grounds... I mean, you've got to picture this clearing as if it were an island. Surrounded by air. Anything I don't want you getting your rabbit-paws on is not on your island. You get it? No temptation for you."
"Uh-huh."
"So. You're thinking, how could it get any better? I'll tell ya. There's the artwork."
Shon groans.
"I've got full tattoos planned. Just the way I want ya to look. You look pretty shady now, but I want some r-"
"So much for making movies," Shon growls.
"You're so wrong," Vex shoots back, like it was just waiting for the chance. "You know how much I value your skin. I have a special gift for you, Originator-Buck. I can make tattoos... disappear."
I finish off my beer. Sounds like a good deal, so it's gonna get turned back on us somehow -
A videotape floats up, and lands on top of the TV. No label.
"You can check it out for yourselves. Later."
"Do tell."
"No abrasion or scarring. Fuck, you're going to be so much softer when I -"
"It's got to be a trick," I warn Shon.
"So suspicious. Such a wary rabbit," the tickler chuckles. "The tape says it all. You'll see. Something you ingest, something I'll apply topically, and a good dose of ultraviolet light. No more ink. I'm going to do you first, Hare. So Buck can see it for himself. And then I'm gonna tat you all up. Both of you."
"You think?" Shon says to me, all hopeful.
I sigh. "I've never heard of anything like that before."
"You never looked into getting a tat removed in your life," it taunts.
Ignoring it, because it's absolutely right... "Easier to hypnotize us, make us not see the tats anymore -"
The video rises a little, and slams back down.
"Yeah, yeah." I shrug helplessly. "More to the point, maybe, it... why is it telling us this? Now? It doesn't need to sweeten the deal. We're fucked already."
He mulls this over. "Big talk... needs big proof."
"I've got the proof," Vex assures us. "And the goods. Waiting, in the jungle. You'll see, when you get there."
"Ah," I say slowly. "There's the hook."
"Whafuck?"
"Only one place on earth to get this magic tat removal done -"
"Oh, fuck. I can't wait to see the look on your faces," it gloats.
"Show us this tat-removal tape. Video."
"Soon. One more benefit to tell you about."
We wait. Nervously.
- - 22 - -
"The jungle has a magic of its own. I've tapped it. A nearby tribe - and 'nearby' means 150 miles, just so I'm clear about that. Well, there's a native I got to know. He's about, oh, twenty-five. Good guy. He's studied with the tribe's healer all his life. That old guy is just amazing...
"And the kid's no slouch either. Smart as a whip. He goes out foraging. Makes these solo expeditions... for a month at a time. But I decided he could use a whole lotta laughs instead. After a while, it was up to him - he could tell me about a few of the local herbs, or I'd tickle him until he did."
What a bastard.
"And now I have extracts that do amazing things for your immune system. And other systems. Heh. Some of the roots around here give up a oil that increases sensitivity. Can you believe it? Jack it waaaaaay up there. It's like it was made for you. And I know how to distill it. Isn't that cool? Another one's great for your throat. Your voice. Oh, yeah. There's a mixture that will make you feel like you're sixteen again, despite the smokes. Fuck, there's herbs for everything! Increase your stamina, make your body get fully recharged after four hours of sleep. And then there's the recreational drugs. New to you. Five different hallucinogens...
"That old healer, the senior doc of the tribe - remember him? - he's at least eighty. He looks, oh, forty-five. Herbs, again. Stopping the clock. You'll see. New heights of tickling, high-school energy, and your sensitivity is going to go off the charts. Do you have any idea what it'll be like? What an opportunity this is? You can be as vigorous, as reactive, at thirty-five or forty... or fifty. If you decide to stay.
"Still being chased around the clearing, and hauled off to one of the huts. I've got wide beds... Racks and webs built for two. Side by side, Buck and Hare, maniacially happy."
"Thanks, but I'll pass," I say.
"Very amusing. Because of this ridiculous woman, I can't force you to stay there. But you will inaugurate the place. No hurry. I'm gonna be thorough. Meticulous. Maybe you'll change your mind, and tell Ciuna to go fuck herself. Otherwise... well, you'll have to leave someday, and other rabbits will come and roar in the stocks I made for you. Laughing away the years."
"Retire," I mumble, too stoned to focus on Shon. "Mark it well. Shon. Careful..."
"Stay cool," he shoots back.
"Every need attended to, and sensitivity beyond anything - well, maybe beyond what humans have ever experienced. I still have more roots to study... It's for you, Originators. And you're going to love it."
Shon lumbers to his feet. Then I start to get up. Fight it, but I stand anyway. We take enormous hits off our doobies...
He walks past me, and I follow. My body refuses all my commands.
At the door, with his hand on the key, he pauses. Looks at me. Half-ass grin. "In all seriousness, Deck... I could not be more sorry."
"I know. Too late, anyway. We'll... get a wild screenplay out of it..."
Shon groans again, snickering. He pops me on the arm, and turns.
My right hand goes out. Pauses. The key floats into my palm.
I slot it and turn it.
Shon pulls the door open.
- - 23 - -
No stop date. Open-ended.
And I know down to my boots it's going to be a large chunk of my life.
A bunch of boxes are piled outside the door.
Big tanks. Shon and I are made to carry everything inside. When your tickler has you drag oxygen tanks into your cell, a whole new kind of fear hits you, low in your belly.
He closes the door, and locks it. Then his hand flies off to the side, like it was slapped away. He looks surprised.
"Allow me," Vex says -
We hear a metallic snap. The key floats up...
The head of the key. It just snapped the key off in the lock.
"Oh, great," I say disgustedly. It just laughs. "You ever heard of appendicitis?"
Shon looks at me, and shakes his head. "Tunnels, D. The tubes. The truck's still in the garage..."
"Got it covered," the bastard agrees. "Don't you worry about a thing. How 'bout I fix you up some steaks?"
We sit at the kitchen table, chewing. Looking around uneasily.
Pots and dishes coast around like some soccer mom's daydream.
"Goooood rabbits..."
The voice is soothing. I can't keep my eyes open. Something in the food - or, hell, it just went directly to the sleep-center of my brain and flipped a switch...
The cigarette is plucked from my fingers.
"Time for sleepy rabbits to turn in. Touchable, sensitive rabbits."
We start to rise - but not on our own. Hands, picking me up by my arms.
Shon rouses a little. "D! Help..."
I yawn real big. The hands turn me, and take me to my room. "No, c'mon... don't," I say, trying to struggle. So tired.
"So sleepy." The hands are like iron. Tight grip. So close to my sides, and nothing I can do about it...
But they don't creep down and start tickling. Through the doorway -
"These sheets are filthy," Vex says. But it sets me down, and lets go. I slump. "There he goes. Off to dreamland." They swing my legs up, and pull off a boot.
"Please, just don't tickle me," I mumble.
"Sleep, Hare. Dream. Long dreams, lots of tickling. Super-advanced tickling later, for my Originators..."
My clothes are pulled off. I'm barely awake. Body won't move.
A sheet is laid over. Tucked in. Under the mattress, I figure. Pulled tight.
I start to move, but the sheet is too much for me.
"Good night, Hare..."
- - 24 - -
Coffee. I smell it. Feels like I slept a full day. I got so much sleep, I'm tired again...
Then I remember. Please, let it be a nightmare, I tell myself. Not too convincing.
I fight my way out from under the sheet, needing to piss real bad. I pull on my jeans and a t-shirt. Think for just a few seconds, and put on my socks and boots too. Then I stop at the door of my room and take a couple deep breaths. If the nightmare was still going on, I might see Shon hanging from the ceiling, covered with feathers on the move. But I'm gonna hope for the best.
I see... the weight bench.
In the living room, the furniture has been shoved over. Shon has a real nice set of free weights, which was rightfully collecting dust in the garage. Now it's in the middle of the bunker, ready for use.
I take a leak, and go into the kitchen.
He's at the table, shoveling eggs in his face.
I watch him chew and swallow. "Fucking weights," he says with great sincerity.
"Say that," I nod, getting a plate. There's an enormous pile of scrambled eggs. "What's with the eggs?"
"Protein," he snaps. "I hear we're gonna need it."
There's something about him that's off. I wonder if I'm talking to him, or the tickler...
So I try a little experiment. "Working out. Shit. Why doesn't it just cut to the ch-"
"Don't." He looks me right in the eye, pointing with his fork. "Don't say it. Not even a joke."
I sit down. "Right."
"We can't give it... any excuse."
So I risk a little nod, and we keep staring at each other. Eventually he starts chewing again. I get a fork.
After he swallows, his eyes get narrow. "Deck."
"What?"
Is that you... in there?"
And I feel like a grade-A bastard. "I was wondering the same thing, 'bout you."
His glare starts to fall away. I hold out my hand. He looks at it, set his fork down and grabs on.
We lock thumbs and hold it. His face looks worried, and relaxes after a few seconds.
"Alright, then," he mumbles. "Eat your eggs."
The workout regimen has been carefully planned. It couldn't be any other way...
That night, we sprawl in front of the TV. Not talking. We're wiped out. I want a cigarette, and it's just too damn hard to lift my arm.
My only consolation is that Shon looks worse. The crunches didn't faze him. But he's never done an honest day's work in his life, so the push-ups did him in.
He was right. Earlier. "We are going to be fucking sculpted before it's done with us," he said.
I was struggling to get through a set of curls - twenty pounds, ten reps, fifth set of six - so I just nodded quickly...
On to Part 5
20oct2002