I woke up suddenly, and saw Sheila's armpit. Right there, inviting me. So vulnerable. She was deeply asleep but I could change that in a flash -
Something stopped my hand. I watched a glowing green band appear around my wrist, resolving into plump fingers.
"Morning," Snuut greeted me.
"Hey."
It pulled me away. More hands were gradually appearing.
"You want coffee?"
"I wanna tickle her."
It chuckled. "She could use more sleep. You really wore her out."
Dammit. It pulled me out of bed. "At least let me put something on."
"Nah. Just you and me here."
I floated out the door. A pack of cigarettes was hovering in my path. It lit one for me.
"You can't get enough, huh?" it asked.
"She's the best."
"Not that. I mean... tickle tickle."
"Nothing bet-" Uh-oh. Wait. Hold on.
"Sheila's always loved it, but I gotta say... you've given me some bad ideas. "
"And?"
"Well..."
A door opened.
"Oh no," I snapped.
I could squirm all I wanted, but the hands pulled me inside without fumbling at all.
"Yeah. Oh yeah," it corrected me. "Hardcore ideas."
The room was done all in black. Some kind of padding was on the walls. A padded, angled chrome rack was illuminated with a wash of soft light from underneath.
"No, Snuut! Wait!"
"Sssssh," it replied, rushing me inside. The door closed in a hurry. "There. Now you can make as much noise as you want without waking her up."
"Don't do this," I ordered. "This isn't... I like to, uh, give. Not receive."
"So do I."
"Miserable bastard. Let me out of here right now, you lying puta -"
"Go right ahead and cuss all you want. I know how to change your tune."
The hands set me in place. Wide aluminum manacles closed around my wrists.
"What about c-coffee?"
Snuut made a cocky sound. Growl of victory. "I asked if you wanted some. Didn't say when you'd get it."
My ankles were caught. As I fought - which did no good - I took one last, hard tug from the cigarette. Instinct, I guess.
"Look who's in bondage now," it teased. "Shelia's tickler."
"I don't wanna do this."
A cart wheeled over. Somehow even that moved as if my captor couldn't have been more delighted to have me caught. With a click, a flashlight showed me what was in store. Feathers, toothbrushes, those damn plastic sporks, disposable razors, baby oil. The little leather straps, I feared, were toe restraints.
Pressure laid against my pecs. As I looked, green hands appeared. They seemed to tingle a little.
"Noooo hoo hoo," I begged, thrashing for all I was worth.
"Yeah, I suspected as much. You must be... achingly ticklish."
A feather lifted off the cart.
"No! No, no, dammit, listen to me, I don't wanna do this."
"A tough guy who loves tickling? Aw."
"She likes it! I like to do it. You know that. C'mon, now, I'm not -"
"Not what?" it snickered, dismissing my objections.
I wanted no part of this. It was infuriating, humiliating, an outrage. But all I could do was watch the feather glide to my belly-button.
"You're already sweating," Snuut remarked.
"Please, dude, I am - Snuut, no, I'm not into this. You want me to lay off her, okay, I learned my lesson already. Okay? Please? Don't you do this to me!"
It responded with the most sinister little chuckling.
The feather started to flick back and forth.
Wrestling around, I saw two sporks head for my captive feet.
"Nnnnno," I grunted.
"Show me what you got, thug."
Those damn points ran down my arches... and even though I fought the urge my yell turned into angry barks of laughter. My eyes were tearing up already, but the last thing I saw before I threw my head back was the feather creeping over to my ribs. Left side.
I pulled at those damn shackles for all I was worth, because Snuut could not find out about my armpits. So insanely ticklish. That would be unthinkably bad, if it discovered the truth after I was restrained. Sheila would come in and save me. A room service waiter, or the manager. Anybody. Before Snuut's feather arrived...
What a crock. The feather was only seconds away from sending me through the roof. Nothing was gonna stop it. And the bastard had razors right close by. I'd never even dreamed of shaving my armpits, so I couldn't even wrap my mind around how bad it was gonna tickle. Get rid of the hair - and no doubt it would rub on some oil...
The tip was inches away.
"Noooooooo!" I wailed, barking laughter again -
My whole body convulsed. Paydirt. The damn feather made a slow pass up the outer crest of my armpit.
My laughter immediately faded away. The tension in my body was going too.
"O-ho," Snuut said. Pleased as punch.
Then the feather lifted off. I couldn't believe how relieved I felt...
Gentle fingers settled into place. Both armpits.
I tried to lurch around. My arms have never been so immobilized - not once in my entire life. The pressure from the fingertips seemed to crackle just a little. Every thought was suddenly scrambled... except the need to get the hands off me, and I couldn't make that happen.
"Wait'll I tell Sheila about this."
More fingers? Oh no, no, no. I couldn't stand it!
Two hands working on each armpit. Crazy wind-up of pure power - every nerve that was touched came awake like never before -
Pressure was wrapping around my knees. And my insteps.
Oh shit, I thought feverishly, you can't. You just can't -
Snuut made a happy little noise.
Then it tore me a new one.
Fireworks went off. Dynamite. Nuclear explosions. I had never, ever felt so much pleasure-pain slam through me.
I grunted once or twice. My limbs were relaxed. They wouldn't move. Rocking around was impossible.
Light tingle of current around my equipment. Feathers, I decided.
Confident hands took hold of my ribs.
It just kept getting worse and worse. Fingertips landed on my belly, my breastbone...
I wouldn't have thought the intensity could possibly shoot up any more. Breathing was beyond me, and I worried for a second or two. My body was apparently still wheezing, but I was detached from that. A glowing green wall of electricity was keeping me from the outside world. It radiated the most amazing, piercing pleasure. I was filled with it.
The hands expanded their range, as if Snuut wasn't going to ignore a single inch anywhere on me.
My brain felt like it was coated by a level of sensation that froze every effort to move or speak. Laughing would have been insufficient anyway - like some kind of sarcastic insult, and I really didn't want to get Snuut riled up any more than it already was. Of course it was already fascinated my armpits, so my goose was cooked anyway.
Time all but stopped.
I woke up on my back.
"Unnhhh... hell."
"Have a nice nap, dude?"
That voice got me awake in a hurry. Only my head would move. The sadistic prick had spread me out on a rack.
"Up for more fun..."
Tension pulled at my limbs, and I heard a few clicks.
"Ow," I complained.
"Wuss."
Two more clicks. I gritted my teeth.
"There."
"What time is it?"
Snuut laughed. "The real question you're working up to is 'when is Sheila gonna come and make me turn you loose'. And the answer is... I don't know. She's gone."
My stomach lurched. "Gone?"
"I sorta told her you had something come up. Wasn't gonna wait."
I was gonna freakin' die. Tickled to death. But wait, Snuut was far too smart to miss out on all of the insanity it could possibly dish out. "No way. You can't be serious, pleeeeeeze -"
"Your honey will be back tomorrow morning. Uh-huh. She wasn't too thrilled either, with your absence - so I sent her to the casino. I've got... a magical friend there. Really has a way with slot machines. Oh, don't you worry - she'll have hours and hours of fun, and come back a big winner."
But in the meantime, I thought, Snuut wins too. My chest looked odd. It was shaved! Oh, shit - my armpits too. Belly...
Some kind of gel ring was snug around the base of my johnson, and it had a wire trailing off toward the floor.
"I can't take any m-more of this," I whimpered.
Laughing at me, Snuut made a bottle of oil rise up and float over my chest.
A century later, maybe two, a wild dream ended and I was looking out big windows. Sheila's room...
She was still asleep. For a few seconds I tried to convince myself that the whole thing had been all in my head, but my chest was smooth. Apparently Snuut had cleaned me up.
Her neck was so close. I knew just how to tickle it along the sides and make her screech. So I snuck closer and went for it -
Something grabbed my wrist.
A luminous green hand gradually appeared over me, wagging a finger.
Seeing that, my favorite body part was immediately on the rise. Hands like that had been doing the most extraordinary things to my package. Toys, and tools...
I shook my head and moaned.
Snuut pointed a finger at Shelia. She was waking up.
When I looked back, the hand was gone. My arm could move again.
"Morning, you," she said, giving me that shifty smile.
I was on her like white on rice.
That was our last day at the resort. She lived about an hour and a half away from me, and from all indications she wasn't anywhere near done with what I had to offer...
I had a bad moment that night when she tried hard to tickle me back. Her hands were reaching, yearning - but I dug in and drove her wild. Great sex, too, if I do say so myself.
We left at about the same time...
It was great to land on my own couch. Safe at home plate.
I turned on the TV, and noticed a DVD case next to it. Brett must've left it - he had a key to my place when I was on vacation - so it looked like a golden opportunity to tease him about his taste in porn. I grabbed the remote...
Crude menu. DECISION TIME was the only track, so I selected it.
The first image appeared. My face. Snoring. Sweaty. As the lens zoomed out I could see the outline of the rack and the restraints.
I cringed.
It was definitely the black room from the resort.
The video must've been shot after Snuut wore me out. I watched myself sleep for ten or fifteen seconds. Building the suspense.
"He has no idea," it said quietly, "how much I love to work him over. The energy he throws off when he's properly... motivated - it's addictive. Special. Hell, it's magic." A few dry chuckles.
It had been Sheila's buddy for years. That's what she told me. I was weirded out at first, naturally, but Snuut was friendly enough. It came and went when it pleased, and the third night we were there it brought us champagne -
"And here's the perfect place to appreciate his talents..."
A fade-in revealed a different room. Also black, and maybe three times the size of the one Snuut had hauled me into - but this one had several bondage devices and big cabinets...
"This is 1612 South Battery," Snuut said happily. A map appeared on the screen. "I'm sharing it with my new pal. It's our hangout." Then a door was shown, swinging closed. Four different locks. "Almost every... weekend."
"Oh no," I said to the TV.
A photo of Sheila appeared on the screen.
"When her job permits," Snuut continued, "she's inclined to hang out with this buff guy who just looo-oooves to tickle her. And she gets into that. What she has yet to learn is how amazingly fun it is to be... the tickler."
"Snuut," I complained, "you just gotta get real. I'm not gonna... you're here, right? Answer me."
But it didn't, except on the video. "If she only knew -"
An armpit appeared. Close-up. I saw the edge of my Inca tattoo, and that confirmed the worst.
Sheila couldn't possibly find out how freakin' ticklish I was. It would ruin everything. Flip the whole relationship on its ass.
"What these boys know," the taunting narrator said.
A young guy appeared onscreen. I didn't know him. The photo was taken from below, and his arms were impressive. Rubber gloves, one fist cradled in the palm of his other hand - and he had the most shady grin I think I'd ever seen.
"Paulie," Snuut indicated.
Another dude, tall and lanky - but there was a cunning gleam in his eyes, totally dangerous somehow.
"Boris."
The next photo was of a black man, thirtyish, wearing sunglasses.
"Daru. They're a team. The most determined ticklers in the city. There's no telling how much they'd enjoy a standing invitation to 1612 South Battery. So - here are the options."
A big numeral "1" appeared on the screen. It was the same color as Snuut's slime-green hands.
"Sheila can be brought in on the secret, equipped and guided on effective techniques."
"2".
"The psycho tickling boys can find you chained down when they make your acquaintance."
"3".
"Or... I could keep your secret. All to myself."
I looked around the room. This couldn't be happening. Not to me, dammit -
"No matter what option you picks, you will be arriving at 1612 South Battery this Friday at 9 p.m. And the next two Fridays after that. Complimentary transportation will be provided... no matter what it takes to retrieve you."
The screen showed three boxes. Sheila, the three ticklers, and a pair of softly radiant green hands.
"It promises to be a hysterical weekend. But will I escort Shelia to 1612 South Battery? Or the psycho boys? If you try to flee, buddy, is there a chance in hell you won't end up inside 1612 South Battery for an entire feverish week?"
I stared at a shot of myself on the rack again. Waiting for more.
"What will Sheila's tickler choose?"
A phone number appeared on the screen.
I didn't waste any time pulling out my cell phone.
"Choose," Snuut said happily.
"You can't be this... twisted."
"Oooo. One thing I forgot to mention - if you refuse to state a preference, you get all three adventures. In reverse order. No telling how long that'll take -"
"You unspeakable bastard."
"Especially because it's soundproofed. Looks ordinary enough from the outside. Nobody will ever suspect a thing, so your reputation is safe too. And I can pull you in there anytime I want, bud. Just try me."
"No! You can't. Don't tell her. Please -"
"The guys? Okay. I mean, you haven't lived until they get their tool-kits open and -"
"Snuut. For pete's sake, c'mon. I can't do this shit."
"I love the idea of you being all weirded out. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Just watching those hours of freedom... slip away." It chuckled appreciatively. "And then you wake up, and it's Friday! And you know there will be serious tickling tonight. On you. Not by you, cowboy. Such a long night, just impossibly... full. But finally you conk out, and when you're all rested up it's only Saturday afternoon, and I -"
"Stop. I'm begging you. Really."
"You have one hour. Pick your poison."
It hung up.
I took a couple deep breaths and hit the redial.
"I'm sorry," Snuut said, "but the subscriber you called is fantasizing about the record-breaking heights of madness in store for a certain smug son of a bitch, starting Friday at 1612 South Battery, just four anxious days from now -"
"There's no way I can take a bunch of dudes tearing me apart. And I can't deal with Sheila looming over me when I'm strapped down."
"Yay!"
"I hate you," I sighed.
"Well, I love where this conversation is going, so I can deal with that. Option 3?"
"Like I have a choice."
"You're really choosing me? Tickling that'll make our first go-round look like a dress rehearsal?"
I closed my eyes. "You don't tell anyone. Not a soul."
"I promise. Really, I do." It cackled again. "I can keep our ongoing fun just between you and me. Oooo, I can't wait until Friday. It's gonna be out of this world. And I meant what I said about fleeing. I sorta wish you'd try. At least a week, you and me - AWOL from your job, howling like never before, and since you won't have to go shuffle papers anymore I can just keep on going and going -"
I hung up that time.
It's been a hell of a year.
Nothing could prepare me for that first time in the dungeon. Hell, I say that every time after the first couple hours. Snuut was... progressively more effective, not to mention pleased.
When Sheila took a job in Atlanta I knew my days were numbered. Snuut said once that it visits her during the week...
The bastard loves to remind me that I agreed to our "collaboration." I tried to run several times. Or hide. The jackass tails me - I'm guessing from Thursday night on - and I've been bushwhacked in the airport, the train station, in my car as I'm racing out of town...
More and more often it's been meeting me at work. I step outside the door Friday night and get escorted right to my car. It hates to waste a single minute. Of course it had to go and get a place with a couple of garage stalls, so my car sits there and never gives a clue that I'm stuck in the dungeon. Our little secret is safe.
Nobody would believe this, even if I got up the nerve to tell 'em.
Oh, and Snuut just loves those three- and four-day holidays.
The hands slowed way down. It took me a while to quit panting and look around.
A cigar hung there.
It turned out to be a good one.
After some water and most of a beer, a gift-wrapped box came over.
"You thought I forgot," Snuut teased.
"Frickin'... hell."
"Happy birthday."
The box was unwrapped quickly. Snuut was hardly ever impatient, so I tried to brace myself.
It pulled out a laptop.
"You just can't freakin' do this to me," I said again, feeling like I'd been punched in the gut.
"That finishes off the utilities. Now... hmmm, let's kill off that balance on your Mastercard. Two thousand bucks..."
Keys tapped. I stared numbly at the screen.
"Aaaaand - boom. Paid off."
"I can't take this."
Invisible hands started massaging my soles. "Once again, what do you say when somebody gives you a really big birthday gift?"
"Thank you hoo hoo-oooo."
"There ya go. Alright. Last, but not least... the condo. I say we throw a couple years' worth of payments at it. Sound good to you?"
I squirmed in the restraints.
"Well," it said happily, "that's that." The laptop closed. "You don't really need to work anymore. They don't appreciate you - "
"Please, Snuut. P-please."
My captor sighed happily.
There was an awful pause. I looked around the dungeon.
"So..."
Don't say it, I thought. Anything but that. I know whatever you come up with is gonna haunt me in my dreams. You've probably been thinking about the perfect taunt for this freakin' occasion -
"What do we do with all this free time?"
A pair of green translucent hands materialized slowly, with the fingers curling a little as they came for my mutherlovin' armpits.
01may2007