Teff sagged. He laid his head down on the table...

I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing?" he groaned. "Nothing at all?"

I didn't know what to say. My stomach hurt. This should have been a great day. A landmark ruling.

"We're not licked yet. It's up to the judge -"

"Fucking computers."

"Now, we don't know that for sure." But I wondered, privately. We needed a human on the bench for this one. If this had happened two years ago, before the "modernization" of courtroom assignments came into effect, we'd be sitting pretty. The AI's were excruciatingly correct and polite. I couldn't tell 'em apart from the human judges anymore, with all the voice masking they used. Luck of the draw. Making my pitch to a camera lens, either way. I'm getting too old for this. At the ripe old age of thirty-six.
 

The jury was definitely with us, and I held onto that. I had 'em. Anxious, outraged... As well they should be.

"I know," Teff said wearily, "what I'm in for. Finish what it started."

"C'mon now -"

"Whenever it gets out of here. I'm fucked."

"Don't get ahead of yourself," I said uncertainly. Because he was right, of course. I'd heard it too. He could get a restraining order. What a waste of time. Or he could get a new identity... A rush order would be approved - within a month.

He figured he wouldn't last the night. I was trying to find another angle.

"How's the Senate coming?" he chuckled bitterly. "Any help there?"

I paused. "No. They're working on the legislation, right now. Should be fast-tracked through -"

"Oh. Good. A year from now, I'll be okay."

"Uh... more like two years. And NoCal will take even longer, since it didn't originate in their legislature. They get huffy -"

There was a soft knock on the saferoom door.

The bailiff stuck his head in. "Recess is over. Back to work."

"What? Federico. Hey - what's up?"

He looked me right in the eye. "Dunno. Didn't get any hints yet, Carrl." I nodded. He's always been straight with me...

It was too soon, though. Way too soon. We just got through with our witnesses. Federico backed out, looking at Teff as he does. Troubled expression. What a case. This one's just plain ugly...

I glanced at Teff. He'd been staring at me. Hopefully, at first - but then his face fell. I wondered what my expression was like, just then.

"Cross your fingers," I said, grabbing my suitcoat.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Sure."
 

We all stood up when Federico told us to, sat down when we were told... and stared at the cube. Big black marble cube, where the judge used to sit. There was a judge in chambers, somewhere, watching us through the camera. Or there was an AI.

The jury had looked confused when they came back in. Like I was. So we all stared at the cube.

If the "defendant" was worried, you'd never know it. I knew Teff was looking in that direction - way more than was probably good for him. It was easy to understand why, though.

Inside the emp-field, Teff's captor was motionless. Just hanging there, manifesting as a pair of black leather gloves. For big hands.

Seconds passed. Reality-algorithm, or added cruelty...

Then we heard the altered sound of someone clearing their throat. That was no tipoff, though. They'd "humanized" the AI vocal patterns so well I couldn't tell any more. Surely, even a computer could see the injus-

"This case is remarkable in the number of precedents it contains," the judge said, in his/her/its blandly androgynized voice. "The surprising apprehension of a... self-described 'tickle monster,' and its subsequent detention until it was brought to trial. The self-representation of the defendant. The frank admission of its actions. And its total agreement with the plaintiff's rendition of events... as analyzed for sincerity."

Teff shot me a dark look. He'd been angry when his testimony wasn't accepted straight away. But the integrity-detection program was part of courtroom life now. Still no way to analyze the truthfulness of the TM's testimony, though.

"Since neither side refutes the facts, and both sides have rested, we are left with the evidentiary application of the law. Certain questions must be settled before jury deliberations begin. At this point, since no requests have been made by either side to recall a witness, we would customarily hear the closing arguments."

"Uh-oh," I whispered to Teff. He looked at me. Scared.

"A recess was called, however, to permit closer study of existing law."

The voice paused. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the gloves shift a little, the fingers moving very slowly.
 

"On the charge of sexual battery, the court reaffirms its earlier ruling in favor of the defense. This section of the Penal Code addresses very similar behavior, and has explicit authority over human and nonhuman life forms. Both sides have already agreed that physical contact did not occur on what the law defines as an 'intimate part' of the plaintiff's body. The court acknowledges that the plaintiff's upper torso was... tickled for most of the, uh, weekend he was imprisoned. As well as other... non-intimate regions. But the law explicitly says, "the breast of a female." Testimony has indicated that the plaintiff, a male, was extensively fondled in the general area... of his breasts, but was not touched in the vicinity of his groin or buttocks.

"The court acknowledges that several devices were found, at the scene, which are intended for orgasm denial or... uh, inducement. But even though the defendant's intention was clear - and acknowledged - intent is not equivalent to action. The defendant's use of restraints to imprison the plaintiff is not relevant, as it was not a 'therapeutic' use of restraints, as is required here." Another throat-clearing noise. "This law, while arguably out of date, does not allow the finding of sexual battery in this case."

I squeezed Teff on the forearm. He swallowed hard. We knew that one was a lost cause -

"Similarly... the language in Penal Code 11165100 defines 'sexual abuse.' Since the plaintiff was not penetrated, forced to participate in oral copulation, and is not a minor... no part of that statute is relevant -"

I was on my feet already, just waiting for the judge to pause. "Objection, your honor! The implied meaning of the law could not be clearer -"

"Yes, counsellor," the voice said. "That objection has already been made... repeatedly... and it will be noted again for the record. 11165100 is explicit, and it leaves the court no room for interpretation. Take your seat."

"You honor, this i-"

"Sit down. The court will not ask you again."

He/she/it never asked me a first time... but I sat. Teff looked like he'd eaten some bad clams or something.
 

"On the third charge... PC 00207000. Kidnapping." The judge paused, and a small part of me was suddenly full of premature, childish optimism. After kicking our butt on the first two counts, surely he/she/it would throw us a scrap, here...

"Both parties agree the defendant 'detained' the plaintiff, and 'carried' him to a remote location. The length of the confinement would have been... extensive. From several weeks to a... period of months, for the stated purpose of torturing the plaintiff, primarily through the use of tickling."

The judge emphasized the word, "tickling" - and not in a way I would've expected. It didn't sound disgusted, or weirded out. The attitude I heard in those two syllables raised a red flag. Intellectually. My gut lurched, too, from some primitive reflex I didn't have time to feel, right then. I had work to do. The judge was still talking -

"This is clearly in violation of subsection (a) of PC 00207000. The rest of this code section is irrelevant to this case..." Another pause.

And suddenly, I was... afraid.

Then - "The law is clear - no person or program may do what the defendant did, b-"

"Objection!," I yelled -

"But the defendant is neither person or program. The law does not contain the phrase, 'or sentient force', as other sections do. Th-"

"Your honor! It's a typo!" I shouted. Across the aisle, the leather gloves started gripping each other, bobbing in a slow victory shake.

"So it would seem, counsellor. But the prior case law is abundantly clear. And this statutory 'typo' is in sharp contrast to the sexual battery statute, which extends its restriction to sentient forces as well as humans."

"I ob-"

"Mr. Smithee - be very careful. Again. PC 00207000, as it stands today, does not apply to this defendant. Period."
 

I started to protest - and the judge made a warning noise, something like "uh!," and paused. "Okay. Based on the undisputed facts... what transpired, what didn't transpire, and the, uh, nature of the defendant - none of the cited laws were broken."

Teff sagged back, eyes closed tight.

"The court acknowledges that these charges were brought by the sector District Attorney, as required by statute - and were resisted by the plaintiff, as his testimony indicates. But there are times when the greater good outweighs individual concerns. A thorough examination of the principles upon which our judicial system is based... is crucial to a society that cherishes freedom. The court notes the plaintiff's civic-mindedness, however unwilling he may have been to participate -"

"What?" Teff said. "I didn't want... You know that," he said, right to the gloves. Begging for forgiveness. "You know. They made me testify. Fuckin' law. I didn't ask for any of this!"

And the leather hands just kept rubbing together extravagantly. The TM said nothing. Nothing at all.

"Order," the judge insisted, quietly. "Silence, right now... The intent of current law is clear - kidnapping is illegal. But the letter of the law adds: If the kidnapper is human, or a programmatic entity."

"Shit. Great," Teff said to me. "I'm dead."

"Ssssh," I grabbed his arm. "Don't make it worse."

He barked out a laugh, at that. One humorless laugh. And I understood. Worse...?
 

"The state has offered no new grounds on which to indict. Therefore, the court has no choice but to declare that, as disturbing as it may be, there is no legal basis to deprive this... 'tickle monster' of its liberty."

Its liberty. Almost everyone in the courtroom made a surprised noise. I even saw Federico's mouth drop open.

"All counts are vacated -"

"Your honor! No!" I shouted, even louder. Teff grabbed my arm. He was shaking. I didn't blame him. Throwing my other arm behind me, I managed to shield him, grab his shoulder.

"The jury is dismissed, with the thanks of the court. The... uh, defendant is free to go. Bailiff..."

"Appeal! Motion for appeal!"

"Granted. Arguments to begin... um... eight weeks from today. See the clerk."

Federico looked angry, as he slowly walked to the switch -

"Judge, you can't! Mr. Cygna is in danger here! Petition for emergency detention."

"Only if you have new charges to file, Mr. Smithee. You know how it works."

"Please. Your honor, please - we've never caught one of these things before, the odds of doing it again are nonexistent, especially after this..." As Federico's hand touched the button, I heard Teff make a cornered-animal sound. Small animal -

"In other words, you have nothing new."

"Unlicensed massage parlor!" I yelled suddenly.

There was a pause. "BP 04935000... refers only to 'persons'. All other references to 'massage' in the SoCal codes relate to physical therapy, and are not relevant to the matter at hand. Nice try, though."

"You cannot allow this thing to terrorize the plaintiff -"

The defendant has rights, too. Freedom of, uh, movement. Protection from double jeopardy. That's how our legal system works, like it or not... Bailiff."

"Restraining order!" I babbled. "At least give him a head-start out of the building -"

"And flirt with judicial-misconduct charges... That's abuse of privilege, counsellor. But you can certainly petition for a restraining order hearing. Nonemergency... that's the best the court can offer, here, since no law has been broken. Sorry. See the clerk -"

"Carrl! Help me," Teff whined. He was clinging to my back, actually. "Help, you gotta do something, please, pleeeeeeeze -"

Federico shook his head... and pushed the button. The emp-walls disappeared with an electric snap.
 

The gloves gave each other a loud high-five. "Your honor!" the TM said loudly. "A question, before we adjourn?" Real smart-ass tone.

A big sigh came from the cube. "What is it?"

The gloves floated... toward us. "No problem, legally, if I take my ol' buddy Teff out for a big ol' celebration? My seriously... ticklish buddy - or do I have to wait for him outside?" And it chuckled a few times, a slow, chilling mockery of polite laughter.

"Absolutely not!" I said. Teff broke away from me, squealing like a pig, backpedaling. I turned to get him, reassure h-

But the cube spoke right up. "As you must already be aware... No one can stop you."

That didn't register until I repeated it to myself a couple of times. The tone - I caught the judge's tone. The last few words, there -

Like it was smirking. Real sly. The careful neutrality had disappeared. No one can stop you. Legally binding, to the rest of us - and a big thumbs-up for the TM. A challenge. Go get 'em.

Nobody would see the kind of shape Teff was in, and let that maniac go. Go free. Encourage it!

Or rather, no human would do it.
 

Somebody yanked on the back of my suitcoat. I looked, and saw Teff. He was trying to grab me. Grab a chair. Anything. Totally frantic.

There was a bunch of gloves on him. A dozen, give or take. One was covering his mouth as he... shrieked. They'd just managed to pull his arms behind him -

He floated straight up. I got a grip on his left shoe. It came off, and he kept rising.

A glove pulled his other shoe off, and dropped it. They turned him so he was parallel with the floor. Holding his limbs together, they steered him toward the door. Belly up, head-first. That stuck out, because he lifted his head and looked at me as he squirmed. Gigantic eyes.

They took their time. Far enough off the ground that all we could do was watch. They tore his shirt open, and loosened his tie. Peeled his socks off. Unbuckled his belt. And he kept looking around at us. At me...

As he disappeared, his slacks were tugged down.

Carried right out... with the full power and protection of the law.

For a couple of seconds, everybody was silent.

"I quit," I heard myself say to the cube.
 

"Ex-cellent," a new voice said, from a point above and in front of me. I jumped back. Guy's voice. Deep. Southern...? Slurring a little - almost as if it was stoned.

I couldn't see where the voice came from. That, alone, was enough proof for me. I vaulted over the railing -

But instead of landing on Teff's aunt and uncle, right in their laps like I expected, I went up. A rope started whipping around my calves. I was dumbfounded. Rope? Here? Where did it come from? Snuck in, maybe. Hidden under a seat -

This voice had an even scarier laugh. "Let's have us a going-away party."

"No," I said. My voice shook. The rope knotted tight. The sight of it, moving like that, stunned me as effectively as if it had clocked me upside the head. The rope was handled expertly. Invisible expert -

I snagged a huge breath, and roared for help. That was all it took. Everybody rushed the door, started screaming...

My legs went up higher. I saw my wallet bounce on the floor. Trying to reach the ropes, I managed to grab my knees and pull my head up. And Federico was coming, opening his holster. I was so happy -

He stopped in his tracks. His hands flew into the air. Straight up. He looked at them, and - got taller. Up on his toes -

He gasped once, and grit his teeth. Then he started to dance, or have a seizure. His arms didn't budge. But his gun was unholstered anyway, floating up and away from him. The clip fell out.

When he saw that, he yelled at it. The gun was tossed in my general direction. His handcuffs came out of their belt-pouch... catching one of his wrists, then the other. And he started jerking around again. Shaking his head... and laughing.

Two of the younger guys on the jury were being dragged out the door, into the judge's passageway. The fire exit was down that hall. Last one out was juror number seven, a plumber's apprentice, howling his guts out. Flopping around. His feet were bare, and he was trying to kick 'em loose, roll around -

I bucked as hard as I could. But I went further up, almost the the ceiling. Out of reach. Like Teff.

Carried out of the courtroom, down the hall, to the stairway...
 

More rope was winding around my wrists. And the alley door flew open.

My car was there, idling, with the back door open -

More rope was sitting on the seat. Coils of rope.