Incident Report
by
Storytella3000
Part 1
I've really been enjoying my new car, a "bronzemist" 2001 Oldsmobile Alero GLS. Let me tell you about what happened to me yesterday...
After work, I went out to my car, and when I got inside I saw a paper cup with a little tepid meltwater in it, left over from a soda I'd had with lunch. I got out to throw the cup away and walked away from the car, leaving the driver's door open. As I got about two steps away from the trash can, I heard a door close. I turned around to see the driver's door had closed, and the car had started up!
Right away I started thinking about stuff I had written where things like this had happened: First there were the Paulette stories, about an invisible woman who spent her time playing tricks on me. Then, there was the Hyundai-BMW story (which I still haven't finished), about the BMW that started following me around by itself when my Hyundai was on its last legs. Lastly, there was the story where my old beat-up '82 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera with an '89 engine had started driving away from me by itself when I was on my way to see my ex-girlfriend to patch things up after an argument. In the story, the car had assumed her persona but without her having anything to do it. Then it hit me...
That car and my new one were both Oldsmobiles... both about the same size... and even the same color!! Couldn't be coincidences...?
I dropped the cup and ran towards the car, yelling, "Hey, stop! That’s my car!" even though I could see there was no
one in the driver’s seat... but by the time I got there the car had backed out of the space by itself and begun pulling
forward. I went to pull the door open so I could jump inside, but the door was locked! So, I yelled and banged on
the window, marveling that I didn’t seem to be drawing the attention of any other drivers. The window slid down, and I
reached for the power lock button, which for some reason had no effect. I started trying to climb in through the
window, but as soon as my feet left the ground, the car lurched off again, with my feet hanging out the driver's
window!
"Come on, stop the car," I snapped at no one, as I managed to roll over onto my back while the car pulled out of the parking structure, but as it sped through the red light at Grove Street it also rolled up the window on my feet, forcing me to lie there with the center console sticking into my back and feet hanging out the window. I gasped, expecting an accident as "we" approached Grove Street. I thought I could die without ever knowing what hit me... but the car sailed on through the intersection without incident. No cars were coming at that particular moment, a miracle at evening rush hour in White Plains.
Then I got even more nervous... the car would be speeding right by the entrance to the underground municipal parking structure currently being patrolled by the county police, as well as the White Plains Police Department right next to it... which could mean some unwanted company! And sure enough, sirens started up behind us just as I saw the Lexington Avenue traffic signals pass in the windshield. What was I gonna do??
I reached for the window switch so I could pull my feet inside the car, but it didn't work any better than the door lock had earlier. I tried to sit up enough to see where I was being taken, thinking that at least maybe I could take control of the car and pull over... but it was like I was frozen into a horizontal position.
Right then a burst of speed I didn't know the car was capable of seemed to put "us" out of range of the pursuing officers. "Hey, slow down!"I protested, worried about my month-old car getting into an accident. I couldn't see where we were, and something was bearing down on me, preventing me from straightening myself out. After a few minutes of what seemed to me like random turns, the car finally pulled over and parked itself. Then, the unthinkable happened...
I felt a strange sensation from my feet. I looked up to see my right shoelace being loosened... but no one was there!
I felt something very lightly brush against the sole of my left foot, then against my right foot. I started silently cackling, my voice gone from the earlier yelling, as I realized it was two somethings I felt, one on each foot, one sweeping up while the other moved down... up and down, up and down, driving me into a frenzy. I tried to pull myself up enough to see it, but whatever it was was being carefully positioned to stay out of sight. Which was mind-boggling in itself, because I couldn't see ANYTHING AT ALL by my feet!!
There wasn't any visible person, animal, or even a low-hanging branch responsible for the tickling, as far as I could see. Yet something was slowly dragging up and down on the soles of my feet. Then I heard a rustling by my right ear. I turned and looked in something like shock and saw things moving around inside a plastic bag that I had put on the floor when I first unlocked the car. Then, all by itself, a box of Q-Tips I had bought at Duane Reade rose into the air. The plastic wrap tore itself open, the cardboard tray slid open, and four Q-Tips slid out. The box slid closed again, but it floated down onto the floor, next to the bag.
I watched, still twitching and cackling from the sensations coming from my feet, as two of the Q-Tips disappeared to my
right while the other two circled in front of me and disappeared to my left. Immediately I felt two soft cotton
tips dragging around the outside of my ears, occasionally dipping down behind my ears. Two more began doing the same
to the back of my neck, just inside my shirt collar. Whoever or whatever was doing this knew what they were
doing, too, because tickling just in front of my right ear just the right way, in just the right spot,
triggers a momentary corresponding tickle/itch in my tongue. I didn't think anyone could have known about
that, because I don't recall ever telling anyone...
I jerked to attention when that sensation hit, and I guess that opened the floodgates, because I heard the Q-Tip box slide open again. I turned and looked, and I saw what must have been half the box's contents floating up out of it, stopping above or next to various points on my body.
A few disappeared up my pants legs, making me cackle anew as they dragged back and forth behind my knees, while others played with my ankles. Only then was I able to see that my foot ticklers were airborne leaves, somehow floating there playing with my feet.
My belt loosened and removed itself from my waist, and then yet another "unthinkable" happened. The outside seams of my pants just ripped themselves open, from waist to hem, and then were somehow yanked below me to rest on the seat under me. My shirt ripped itself up the middle, front and back, the remains falling off me, and then my t-shirt pulled itself up over my head... and stayed there...
Suddenly those soft little tips were all over me. Teasing my nipples, burrowing in my armpits, dragging themselves up and down and over everything they could reach. For half a second a lone rational thought crossed my mind: "What if a cop or someone approaches the car?" But when I tried to brace myself to straighten up, I found I was unable to move my arms. I couldn't see or feel anything on them, and yet somehow they were locked in place. I couldn't move them one way or the other. I was trapped, forced to endure the tickle torture being administered by mysteriously mobile leaves and Q-Tips...
I struggled, trying to pull my t-shirt either up over my head and off completely, or else to put it back on, so I could pull myself into a normal sitting position. As I struggled, I heard what sounded like my trunk popping open, then sounds of things moving around back there, and then the authoritative whump of the trunk closing. Then one of the windows on the right side of the car must have been open right then, because I felt a draft I hadn't felt earlier, but only for a few moments.
All along, while that was happening, I was still trying to get my shirt down or else off. But after a few moments of struggle, I felt pressure on my wrists. Something like hands were holding my wrists still. I looked up and all I saw was my hands sticking out in the air. Nothing visible was holding them, yet I couldn’t move them.
On to Part 2
14nov2001